To my son

Hi there little guy -

We've been through a lot together this year. The few months before you, well -- I shouldn't lay all that on you. Let's just say, I was so scared there wouldn't ever be a you. Then, when I was least expecting it, you came along. You're like your dad in that regard.

I think about you all the time. And, if I stop thinking about you, you're good at reminding me with a little kick, which usually tickles. I keep looking for some pattern. Consistently, you seem to make yourself known when I'm hungry - which probably means you're hungry, too. I make guesses the rest of the time. For a few months, I called you dinobean. Because, unfortunately, that's what we all look like in the beginning - little bean-sized dinosaurs. I'll do my best to not call you that once you're born. But, it's been a long time since I called you that. Most of the time, I call you by the name that we will probably give you.

I want to know you so badly. I am guilty of assigning little personality traits to you, but you will show me in time who you are.

We're trying to find a new home for us. It's different looking at places now, because more than trying to see if I can imagine myself in them, I try to imagine you. I worry about you having enough space to play, enough room to grow. I want to bring you into a place that is happy and good. This first home won't be everything that I want it to be, but it will be a step toward that.

Your grandmother asks about you almost every day. We talk about the things we want to do for you, and what I was like as a baby, and what maybe you'll be like as a baby. We talk about the places we will take you when you're a little older, and how your pap-pap is going to be afraid to hold you until you're a little bigger. So many people have so many dreams for you. You don't have to do all of them. When you come up with your own, we'll work on those together.

I love you, little guy. I hope everything is going well for you in there. Just 14 more weeks or so, and it will be time for your life to really begin. Love you so much already, and I just know when I get to hold you, it's going to blow me away.

Until then, keep kicking away. Listen to the stories your dad tells you -- that's a voice that will stick with you. And rest up while you can!

Love,
Your mommy