Getting everything I want. All at the same time.

A few months ago, I was busting at the seams to write about this. But, the necessity for secrecy made that impossible. Now that all my secrets are just great news that I've shared with everyone - friends, relatives, unsuspecting waiters, strangers in elevators, checkout guys at Trader Joes - I find myself too busy and exhausted to get all of the thoughts down.

There's a baby. And already, barely one ounce heavy, barely a few inches long, still so much a mystery, this baby is changing my life in immeasurable ways. It's a cliche to write about it. I feel like every woman whose ever been pregnant feels at once like it's the first time it's ever happened, while at the same time joining this legion of womanhood, this sorority that she couldn't ever rush before. I'm no different. But like so many things in life, it's partly a self-discovery process. I'm learning so much about who I am, and what I have to give.

We don't know if we're having a boy or a girl. We didn't plan this. It is a wonderful surprise. We thought there would be a long road, a long fight to the chance at parenthood. Instead, it was just a little blunder. Just a few weeks without the usual precautions (things get lost, and there's insurance to fight with, and a million tiny things that get in the way of a trip to the pharmacy). But our baby managed to slip through this tiny window.

So far, so good.

There's a wedding that will happen sooner than I could be ready for it. Everything that I always wanted is coming, is almost here. This little bit of anticipation beforehand, when all of it is still becoming, will go so fast. I wish that I could slow it down, savor it more. But there are a thousand details and questions and decisions, all of them demanding to be addressed immediately.

In the quiet moments, all I can do is give myself a little shake. This is it. This is my life now. When I slip through a yellow light and kiss the ceiling, for weeks I realized that there was nothing left to wish for. Though, now those wishes have become "healthy baby, happy marriage."

I have every reason to be confident those wishes are coming true, too.