Truth In Wedding Vows

Lydia said to me, before I was engaged, that if Jeff and I wrote our own vows, they would be the most eloquent vows ever. I laughed and said that's why I can't write them. I'd never be able to live up to that.

Now, I guess I'm trying. What is the best way to frame, in terms of a series of promises, some explanation for how I love this man?

The comical stuff comes easily. I've been thinking of it as "Truth In Wedding Vows." I don't think they'd work in a real wedding, but they're the truth. I can do better, but when I think of all the things that make a life, it's the little things that pile up most.

1. I promise to become only marginally crazier than I already am.

2. While I know my body image issues will never go away, I promise I will get naked with you every chance I get.

3. We're both kind of hopeless when it comes to housework, but I'll always volunteer to clean the toilets if you promise to stop making that face when I parallel park.

4. I miss you every second we're apart, but I will never make you feel guilty because you have to work late. You're working to support our family, and bosses tend to be less understanding than women who love you.

5. I promise to tell you when I'm upset and why. It's not a pleasant thing, and it's hard. But I'd rather suffer those small moments of discomfort than allow them to grow into something that could threaten the best thing that's ever happened in my life.

6. We will have vacations and adventures. We will continue to discover new things together.

7. If I am home before you, I will spring up off the couch when you get home, because I want you to know everyday that no matter how many times you walk through that door, it's still one of the most exciting parts of my day.

8. I will strive to keep my own life and my own interests, so that you will always have a partner who has something to talk about with you, who is interesting for all the years we have together. Likewise, I will give you space and time to pursue your art and your dreams, and support those endeavors in every way I can.

9. I will never smear cake on your face. Not today. Not any day.

10. I will love you. No matter what happens, I will love you fiercely and will for the rest of my life.

It's the first time I've ever truly had a partner in every way. I knew for the first time when we'd only been dating a few months. My car died in Rancho Cucamonga just a few blocks from my apartment. I called a colleague to help me out, and Jeff got upset I didn't ask him. "You're not letting me keep up my side of the bargain," he said.

It would be more than a year from that time when he'd finally get the guts to tell me he loved me, but I already knew. I really, really wanted and needed to hear the words, but I had to know. Because there was already a promise between us, unspoken or not, that if one of us was in any kind of trouble, the other would be the one to take care of it. Even late at night. Even 50 miles away.